


Flaming Temper

by IsleofCrete



Category: The Witcher (TV), Wiedźmin | The Witcher - All Media Types
Genre: Crack, Curses, Eskel Being a Little Shit, Everything is in good fun, Gen, Humor, Lambert is angry, Sibling Love, Sibling teasing, good sibling relationships, lots of laughter
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-06-07
Updated: 2020-06-07
Packaged: 2021-03-03 20:26:31
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,722
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/24581521
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/IsleofCrete/pseuds/IsleofCrete
Summary: Triss delivers some sweet revenge on Lambert after one too many times of being called 'Merigold'. She thinks his new look suits him rather well, all things considered.OrTriss curses Lambert to have ginger hair.
Relationships: Eskel & Lambert (The Witcher), Lambert & Triss Merigold
Comments: 1
Kudos: 29





	Flaming Temper

**Author's Note:**

> This is inspired by the fact that Lambert has been cast as Paul Bullion, who is a redhead. Given the differences between Lambert's appearance in the games/books and what will likely be in the Netflix show, I thought this was in order. Seeing the popular stereotype about gingers being hot-headed and Lambert's own nature, I think it fits rather well.
> 
> I apologize about stereotyping gingers in any way, I just thought it would be a funny joke that Triss would play, especially considering the banter that the two characters share in both the books and the games. I really don't mean to offend anyone and all the redheads and gingers that I know are extremely nice people. 
> 
> This was super fun to write and I hope you enjoy!

“That all you got, Merigold?”

“You know what, it isn’t! I’ve had it with you, you idiotic Witcher! And stop calling me ‘Merigold’!”

The angered Triss whispered a word in elder and threw the spell in her hand at the Witcher vexing her. Lambert’s medallion hummed as the spell flew towards him and he tried to duck, but to no avail. The spell dipped to strike him in the head, leaving a tingling sensation in its wake. Triss watched Lambert smugly as he pulled himself off the ground.

“You look too damn smug about whatever you just did to me, Merigold. And I’m going to get you for it,” Lambert threatened. Triss had the nerve to laugh at him, the smirk still apparent on her face. She stood safely out of the way when Lambert tried to make a grab at her and tutted disapprovingly at him.

“Think of this as retribution, Lambert. I’m sure the spell will wear off before you decide to depart on the Path again. But who knows, perhaps this will make you more approachable,” Triss said primly. She fluttered her fingers at Lambert, who was starting to look the same color as her own flame red locks, and quickly made her exit from the library.

Lambert caught sight of his reflection in the brass candleholder and nearly threw it into the wall. He did not, but he did let loose a very loud and very angered ‘Merigold!!’. Triss laughed to herself again and made herself scarce from the youngest Witcher.

* * *

“Sweet Melitele, what happened to you?” Eskel finally asked, still a bit gobsmacked about the sight before him. He’d just returned from a day of hunting to find Lambert all but hiding in the darkest corner of the great hall with a very large mug of ale.

Lambert refused to meet Eskel’s eyes and tried, in vain, to shield his now pale, but still bright, ginger hair from his brother. This failed for more than one reason, namely the fact that his hair had grown out a bit and curled on itself since the last time Eskel saw his brother. And the fact that Lambert’s beard was now the same shade of ginger. And the fact that Lambert couldn’t completely cover his face without losing sight of Eskel, which was most certainly ideal in the current situation.

“Merigold thought it’d be funny,” he mumbled and made moves to skirt around Eskel and out of the hall, but Eskel saw this coming from miles away and quickly caught Lambert before he could make his escape.

“Thought it’d be funny?” Eskel raised an eyebrow and received a very disgruntled look from Lambert at his sarcastic tone. “This is straight up vindictive. Reparations for all the wrongs you’ve done her.”

Eskel wrapped an arm around Lambert’s shoulder and took the opportunity to roughly tousle his brother’s longer ginger hair. Lambert growled and tried to bat the hand away, but Eskel was faster and pulled the offending appendage out of reach. Lambert received a truly shit-eating grin and thought that Eskel was the one who deserved such cruel treatment to his ever perfect hair, not him. Geralt deserved that too, but Geralt wasn’t currently the one fascinating over the monstrosity Triss had created.

“Eskel, I swear by all the gods that don’t exist, if you don’t stop this right now, I’m going to chop your dick off and then throw it and your precious Lil’ Bleater off the wall once I finish with Merigold,” Lambert snarled, trying once again to dislodge his brother’s hand from where it was currently intertwined with his hair.

“You know? Triss did a damn good job when she did this, if I do say so myself. It really fits you perfectly, seeing how angry gingers always are. She really does have such a good sense of humor,” Eskel mused, still running his fingers mindlessly through Lambert’s hair. Lambert didn’t even dignify his insufferable brother with a verbal response. He simply crossed his arms over his chest, looked pointedly away from Eskel, and gave an annoyed huff. Because honestly, if Triss thought _he_ was insufferable, Eskel was a thousand times worse.

“You’re the worst,” Lambert eventually muttered after a long minute of sulking. Eskel, the shit he was, only wrapped Lambert in a crushing hug.

“Well, what kind of brother would I be if I didn’t support my brother’s new look?” The tone of the nuisance currently hanging like a leech off him would imply sincerity, if it weren’t for the fact that Eskel still hadn’t wiped the shit-eating grin off his face. Lambert let the action last for a few more seconds to trick Eskel into thinking that he’d given up before he took his revenge.

The revenge being Lambert jabbing his fingers into Eskel’s sides and tickling mercilessly until the arms draped over his shoulders began to loosen. Seeing his opportunity, Lambert grinned and threw all his weight bodily into Eskel’s chest. Eskel went down with an ‘oof’ and hit the floor, hard. Lambert quickly jumped to his feet and backed away in case Eskel decided to return the attack.

Eskel, much to Lambert’s chagrin, started _laughing_. He clutched at his sides, rolling on the floor and trying not very hard to catch his breath in between spurts of laughter. Well this was not at all the desired out come. Not in the slightest. Lambert looked around hastily, trying to find something to throw at his dreadful brother that wouldn’t result in extra chores from Vesemir. He settled on a roll of bread that was sitting on the nearby table. It bounced satisfyingly off of Eskel’s head. Lambert gave his own feral smile.

It was promptly wiped off when Eskel _continued to laugh at him_! Except now there were tears streaming down his face, which was even worse. Lambert glared as viciously as he could and did the only thing he could think of. He blew a raspberry and stalked out of the great hall to hunt down either Merigold or vodka. Or both. Preferably both.

“Really living up to the ginger status there!” Eskel howled as Lambert fled. Lambert paused long enough to flip off Eskel with both hands before making his escape.

* * *

“What the fuck did you do,” was the first thing out of Geralt’s mouth when he spotted Lambert in the great hall for dinner. Lambert pointedly looked away from Geralt and mumbled a dark ‘We’re not talking about this’. Geralt just shrugged and grabbed his own tankard of ale before making moves towards food.

Jaskier, on the other hand, let loose a full-blown cackle and patted Lambert sympathetically on the shoulder. He skipped out of the way just fast enough to avoid the incoming slap to the hand in question. He took a seat next to Lambert and managed to school his face into a more mild amusement, but his eyes still shone with mirth.

“Gods above, this is better than the time Geralt decided to shave a bloody undercut!” the bard proclaimed. This earned Jaskier a glare from Geralt and an angered, but still agreeable, grunt from Lambert. Jaskier waited a moment longer before he realized the story wasn’t going to pop out of thin air and opened his mouth to inquire about the new look of Lambert’s hair.

“Bard, if you open your mouth, you will never find the pieces of your lute again,” Lambert growled harshly and took a long drink of a drink consisting of a lot of home-brewed vodka. Jaskier shut his mouth so fast that his teeth clacked together. He looked over to Eskel, who still hadn’t stopped grinning since he found out, despite the glares leveled in his direction from Lambert. Eskel made a show of hiding his lips from view and mouthed ‘Merigold’. Jaskier nodded sagely and bit back another round of giggles.

“Your hair matches your attitude,” Geralt said with the hint of a smile. Eskel choked on his drink, earning him a hard slap on the back from Geralt. Eskel waved him off, continuing to chuckle. Jaskier had disappeared under the table, but his shrieking laughter echoed around the great hall. Lambert had to hold very still to restrain himself from launching across the table at Geralt.

“Geralt. . .that was brilliant!” Eskel exclaimed in between gasps. Geralt smirked and held out his hand. Eskel clasped it quickly in a high five, eyes still on Lambert. Jaskier clawed his way out from under the table to lean up against Eskel. They all winded up on the receiving end of Lambert’s fierce glare.

“Hello, boys! You seem to be enjoying yourselves,” Triss announced as she strolled over to the table. She conjured up a goblet of wine and sat regally in the seat next to Lambert. Lambert’s fingers bit into the table as he clutched it in fury. Triss smiled like the got who’d gotten the cream and took a sip of her wine.

“When is this shit going to wear off, Merigold?” Lambert snarled, turning slightly to face her. She only raised a perfect brow at the youngest wolf. Lambert bit his tongue, clearly trying to overcome his pride. Everyone held their breath to see if Lambert was going to blow up at the flame-haired sorceress. No one wanted to antagonize Lambert by calling him out as Geralt was wont to do when regarding Triss’s name.

“When is this spell going to wear off, Triss?” Lambert asked through gritted teeth. Triss set down her goblet and put her hands behind her head, leaning back. She savored the moment for as long as she dared, and then a little longer. Lambert’s fingers continued to dig into the table and he bit his lip hard as he held onto what was left of his angry patience. Triss took one more moment to let the words sink firmly into her memory.

“I don’t know,” she admitted slyly. She took a dainty sip of wine as she waited for Lambert’s response. The table creaked slightly under his shaking grip. The vein on his forehead bulged and was quickly covered by a short ginger curl flopping over it as Lambert shook. His face turned redder than his new hair and his breaths grew short. He took a very deep breath, held it, and closed his eyes.

“FUCK!!!”

**Author's Note:**

> I wrote this in like a day and really enjoyed it. I've never really written anything of the kind and it's been such a nice change of pace. I was living for the banter between the characters the whole time.
> 
> Once again, I'm really not trying to offend anyone. I'm not trying to convince anyone that this is a correct stereotype and I am in no way saying that anyone who has red or ginger hair has this stereotype. I wrote this because the idea made me laugh and the sibling relationship between Eskel and Lambert was too good to pass up. 
> 
> I hope this made you laugh like it did me! Feel free to leave kudos and comments telling me what you think!


End file.
